I'm a 23-year-old girl and since my childhood, I've been interested in men. There was simply no question about it. I can still remember my very first crush, my first boyfriend, my second---and so on. However, I connected with the LGBTQ community by attending some queer events and making a lot of friends from the community. I began seeing women differently. I started noticing different things about women. My mind still focused on men because I thought I was heterosexual.
One random day I got a friend request on Facebook from a girl. She'd added me 'by mistake' but now I feel it was the best mistake ever. Though social media is how we started to speak, I asked for her number. I still remember how she said "Omg you finally asked for my number" after a couple of weeks of Facebook chatting. Dramatic as she was, I loved that about her. I would get excited when she texted me, when she flirted with me, when she used certain words around me. She was everywhere I looked. Thoughts of her filled every quiet moment. I constantly replayed previous conversations we'd had, and envisioned future ones. Soon, we met for the first time and felt a strong connection. This was all a first time for me and funnily it used to be always about men, so many men... until suddenly, it wasn't. Suddenly, there was something else added to the mix: HER. I fell for her fast and hard, without any indication that she would fall for me in return. Even now, I still don't know what happened and how. Perhaps I'll never know or I might know in time.
But I do know this: I am a woman who was, and still is, sexually attracted to men. I also know that I have this huge crush on another woman. Now, thanks to her, I've learnt that I don't have to justify it to anyone. As she rightly says, "I just believe in loving a person". Sexuality is fluid and so, if you ask me now, I may not identify as a heterosexual or as a bisexual, but just as a Queer girl who doesn't wish to fit into any box or labels. I had never ever thought about being with a woman. In fact, just the idea of it was really unappealing to me. But now that I know this woman, I don't think it's unappealing at all. I'd like to be with her, and I like the thought of going out with her and everything... In short, I really like her. Her presence has taught me that there is no such thing as 100%, and that my feelings are not defined by the people I liked or loved before I liked her. I had lived my life believing that I would only ever love men. Now, I believe, that in my mind it could be all men, always men....and HER.
There will always be place for her.