Tharun's Coming out story

Hey Everyone! My name is Tarun. I'm a 20 year old guy from Chennai, Tamil Nadu and this is my coming out story.

By the end of 12th standard, I knew very well that I wasn't interested in girls. I always wanted to study in a different state and was interested in exploring new places and meeting people from diverse backgrounds. I got a seat in a reputed college and was satisfied with my choice of college and branch. New people, New College, New atmosphere... Everything New! At that time, I didn't even have the slightest thought that this excitement was not going to last for a long time.

Being gay and falling in love with a straight guy can be one of the worst things that can happen to a queer guy. In my case, it was my straight best friend. Love is really blind! Rakesh was my classmate in Environmental Science class and my lab partner in Physics Lab. I still remember how we became friends. He was giving a presentation and I was amongst the very few people who were actively listening to his presentation. As I was hooked up to him, I felt he was also noticing me. At the end of his presentation, he asked me for my opinion and I gave him a honest feedback. That's how I struck a chord with him!

I was attracted towards his honesty, confidence, open mindedness and the way he carries himself. He had a high level of self-esteem and a strong identity. I love tall and hairy guys and he matched the criteria! He is also very handsome. We slowly grew closer. I used to spend most of my time with him. We did our coursework together and it was fun going around with him. He was always in my thoughts and even now I think of him sometimes.

He missed classes sometimes as he was unable to wake up on time. I became his morning alarm and then start my daily routine! We didn't share many classes as we were in different branches. But I never missed an opportunity to meet and spend time with him. We used to have dinner together, study together and then roam around the hostel late night. We used to go out most of the weekends and covered almost all the places to visit in the city!

It was all fine till vacation started. I started realizing how badly I was in love with him. I used to count the number of days left for college to start. It was very confusing initially. Took lot of time for me to understand that I was in love!

Everything went well till the end of second semester. I started realizing that he was taking me for granted. He never thought of what I liked or what I was interested in. He never took an initiative and I felt very bad. The worst part was when he was leaving home, he hugged everyone else and just shook hands with me and this happened every time. Till date, I am unable to comprehend why he was like that with me.

I knew very well that he is straight and he will not be able to love me and still I fell in love with him. I slowly started avoiding him and even he did the same with me. I was very depressed and didn't know with whom I can share my pain and thoughts.

My counselor helped me a lot in dealing with this issue. I almost forgot about all my other friends when I was with Rakesh and then I realized that I was ignoring them all the time. They were always there for me. I slowly came out to all of my close friends including Rakesh and they are still my close friends! Coming out to Rakesh was quite difficult and I planned it beforehand. It took time for him to process this new information initially and since then, he has been incredibly supportive of me.

So my suggestion to all the people out there is to at least try coming out to your close friends/counselor and share your feelings and thoughts with someone whom you trust and is willing to listen to you. It will surely bring a huge relief to you!

Tharun

Tharun is a student, and a closeted gay person.